Dammit Boy
by clair beaubien
Summary: Bobby has some words for Sam when they get back from St. Mary's Convent. Tag to 4.22


One second Dean was there, the exact next second he wasn't. _Dammit it all._ I made calls, I dug through my books, I tried to GPS both their phones, I did absolutely everything I knew to do and even some things I made up on the spot but nothing worked. I couldn't suss 'em out, Dean or Sam. _Dammit all._ If anything happened to those boys, somebody was gonna pay.

Then on top of all the buckets of crazy that'd been raining down on us lately, the Chevy up and disappears. I was in my yard trying to get better reception on my phone for a call to a hunter I know in New Zealand. I walked past the car to a clear spot and when I turned around, it was gone, like it'd never even been there.

_Dammit all._

At least maybe that meant the car was with Dean, which maybe meant he was still in a condition to drive it. Which maybe meant they'd be coming home. Dean _and _Sam.

Those boys can be infuriating. My mother would've described them as being 'enough to drive a saint to drink', and I bet their angel pals would agree. Any sane men in their position would've given up years ago, but not them, not the Winchesters. That ain't John's training either, it's those boys all on their own. There's one thing that drives each of them and that's their individual determination that they _will _make this world a safer place for their brother. And if they have to do it all on their own, then they'll do it all on their own.

I wonder if they really don't get it yet that they _ain't_ on their own.

Finally I got the call. Dean. He spit a lot of information at me, it sounded like he was driving fast and keeping his attention both on the phone and the road. He had Sam, they were both okay. Thank the Lord. Lilith was dead but Lucifer still got free - how did that make sense? Ruby was dead - and she sure wasn't getting any tears from me. Then he got to the part I wanted to hear, I needed to hear: they were coming home.

They were coming from Maryland which is a day and a half of driving away so I had a wait in front of me. Signs were lighting up all over the world now that Lucifer was free, but the only sign I was waiting for was the rumble of that Impala pulling into my yard.

So of course I was on the far side of the house when I finally did hear it. By the time I got to my front porch, they were already out of the car and walking up the steps.

Well, Dean was walking up the steps. Sam stood in front of them, staring up at the house like it was the principal's office and he'd been caught smoking in the boys' room. And when he saw me it was worse - he looked scared, he looked lost, and I knew part of the 'why' - I maybe ain't a genius but it didn't take me long after Dean's phone call to figure out that 'Lilith Dead' plus 'Lucifer Free' equaled one hell of a guilt trip for that boy.

"Bobby." Sam said. "_I'm sorry_."

It was an apology for hitting me, for stealing my car, for bringing on the Apocalypse. It sounded too like an invitation, to yell at him, to beat on him, to do and say whatever I wanted to and he'd just take it because he deserved it.

I looked over at Dean, wondering what had gone on in the car on their drive back here. But I could see it in his face, he'd taken my advice to be good to Sam. He hadn't been waling on that boy in any way, which meant Sam was waiting for _somebody _to do it.

"_Dammit boy, you got no idea how much trouble you're in._"

Sam nodded, lifted his chin, lifted that same face to me he'd been wearing just before he clocked me and stole my car. Pain, exhaustion, desperation. '_Shoot me, I don't care, just get it over with._'

I walked down the steps, stopping on the last one so I could be eye to eye with that boy. _My boy_, even if he wasn't my son.

"_Absolutely none._"

I thought the shock alone was gonna knock him down.

"But - but -." He didn't get it. He didn't understand.

That was all right, he didn't have to.

"_Dammit boy."_ I told him again and took him in a hug just to prove my point to him. "You got nothing to be sorry for."

"But - but - _Bobby?"_

Then I think he was crying and I can't say that I wasn't too, especially when I felt his arms go around me like he was clinging for dear life. Maybe if I'd thought of this even once sometime in the last eight months, maybe Sam wouldn't have to be so lost and so desperate right now.

"All right now, all right." I said after awhile. There were things needed doing and we wouldn't get 'em done standing out here. Sam stood back from me but wouldn't meet my eyes. That was okay.

"Room's where you left it upstairs." I told him. I didn't want him to think for a minute he'd have to be going anywhere near my cellar. "Soap and towels in the bathroom. Anything you want in the kitchen. Okay?" He nodded. "All right, go on then. I'll help Dean bring in your gear."

Sam nodded again and gave a fast glance over to Dean and went inside. Dean turned back to the car and I followed him, stopping him before he opened the trunk.

"After I'm so glad to see Sam," I asked him, pointing my thumb over my shoulder to where Sam and I had been standing. "You think you're getting away clean?"

He knew what I meant right away.

"Uh - Bobby -I - uh - I don't - I'm fine - really - I don't - you don't have to -."

I grabbed him anyway and gave him a hug.

My boy if not my son.

The End.


End file.
